Call me old school.  But there are 2 things that I believe still deserve to be done with thought and integrity:

 

Fashion & love.

Fashion, because it is still a representation of who you are.  How you feel.  It’s a representation of your passions.  Your beliefs.  It can tell a little about your past, while even adding hints of where you see yourself in the future.

 

You don’t dress for the job you have, you dress for the job you want, right?

 

So it’s a little disappointing that we now live in a world where fashion has become fast.  Cheap.  Little care needed.  And easily disposed of.

 

And really, whats to value about the quick purchase we made at Forever 21?  That $14 dress you bought to wear once, on Friday night, cause it’s, like, so cute.  If the dress is lucky it will survive the night without any stains, and will eventually find its way to the nearest donation bin along with 10 more just like it (different colors, of course).  But more often than not, it will fall apart after being washed once, and it’s memory will only live on only in a filtered Instagram post.

 

We make purchases like these because, while they may be a big fashion risk, they will be little risk to our wallets.  With virtually no financial damage, we can score an entire outfit, knowing full well it may only be worn once.  And that’s okay.  Because you weren’t really interested in committing to it anyways.  I’m pretty sure you have no intention of passing on your sequin and studded tube top to your future daughter.  And you probably aren’t saving it for a rainy day, either.

 

However, stopping by Neiman Marcus could cost you.  Big time.  Not only will you be spending more, you’re also more than likely committing to making a permanent home in your closet for your purchase.   This would be considered an investment.  So a lot of thought (and a little trying on) will be required before you make your final selection.

 

But wait…  Dry clean only?  No thanks.  Hand stitched?  I mean, how could anyone even know if that’s true?  Hand wash only?  Who has time for that?  Lay flat to dry?  Girl, bye.

 

And so, not wanting to take the risk of spending your time, money and effort on something of quality, you settle for cute and convenient instead.  So it’s really no surprise that we have evolved to treating other areas in our life with the same level of effort.

 

Things like relationships.

 

Face it- dating has now become the Forever 21 of our love lives.

 

Fast.  Little effort invested.  Disposable.

 

And online dating has become our fitting room.

 

That would almost be funny…. if it weren’t so true.  And we have to face the reality that online dating really is the only way to go these days.  I mean, you could still run into someone at the grocery store, I suppose.  But even if you did see someone that caught your attention, chances are that person will walk cruise right by you, their face buried in their phone, feverishly swiping, narrowing down that weekend’s dating options.

 

Because we don’t lock eyes anymore.  We swipe right.  Or, if you’re feeling extra creepy, you can slide right on into their DM’s.

 

Romantic, right?

 

But this also creates another problem- no one actually invests time in getting to really know one another anymore.  If the dress rips, you can just throw it away with no remorse and buy a new one.  If a date falls short of our expectations (but he said he was 6’2!), you can simply hop on your phone, ignore your 5’9 date, and line up your next one before you’ve even finished your drink.

 

That’s if you even make it to an actual first date.  Because more often than not, the first date is now the time you message one another, right after you’ve matched on Tinder.   That’s right.  We just went ahead and completely eliminated the need to even have an actual face-to-face conversation to learn about one another.  OR, we want to know everything about that person to even determine if its even worth going on a date with them.  In my own personal experience, this dance can go on for weeks.

 

It goes something like this: 

 

So, what do you do?  What do you do for fun?  Where do you live?  Where are you from?  What brought you here?  Have you ever been married/kids?  Are you on Facebook?  Instagram?  I’m probably going to need to see more pictures of you in various situations to determine just how attractive you really are.  How tall are you?

 

Basically, this Q&A session will last longer then if you had just skipped all the superficial stuff, and actually just met for a drink instead.  But neither party had to get off their couch, change out of their sweats, or make any real effort whatsoever.  There’s no risk.

 

And so while you may know what they had for lunch that day, thanks to Instagram, you will have zero clue on whether there’s actually any chemistry between the two of you.

 

This is known as the period that we assess the potential risk of the individual.  Or, in fashion terms, is the item worth the price?  And there lies the problem.

 

I’m not sure we even understand what quality is anymore.  In fashion, or in love.  Or what it means to really invest in something, and want to take care of it, understanding that the item’s value will appreciate over time.  We no longer know how to look at things, and think of the future, and imagine how special their place could potentially be in our lives.  Do we even know how to care for something that could be expensive now, but priceless down the road?  Instead, we’re only thinking of the hear and now.

 

And so we fail to imagine the magical memories that could be created, and fill our lives with a string of instant gratification moments instead.

 

But isn’t the magic what dating is all about?  The potential?

 

When did we forget about the possibility of butterflies?

 

Thanks to social media and Amazon Prime, we expect everything now.  From information to sex.  We want to have all the answers.  All the information.  And a solid return policy.

 

But that’s not how relationships are formed, or even how memories are made.

 

I’d still like to believe that I’m going to marry my best friend.  And a relationship like that takes time.  Built with quality, and capable of being repaired, even when completely broken.  Cared for with love, and protected from harmful agents.  There for the good times, and even the bad.  No annoying flaws or snags, but rather, only the stories behind them.

So I propose we start to treat dating like it’s something we actually value again.  Because it is a risk.  Whether it’s your heart, or your money on the line. Stop wasting your time and energy on cheap knock-offs, and instead save your efforts to invest in the real thing.  Next time you meet someone, put down the phone.  Lighten up on the messages.  And put your fabulous, beautiful self out there and invest the time and effort to really get to know them, face to face.  Say Goodbye to Forever 21 (unless it’s for accessories- I can’t even fault you there).  And begin to treat your potential relationship like an Hermes bag.  Sure, it’s a risk.  And it definitely could cost you.  But that same investment could be worth more than gold in time.   And while it’s beautiful now, it could be even more stunning with age.

 

And always, always handle it with care.

 

And who knows….

 

  Maybe, just maybe, you might get butterflies.