Tag Archives: Advice

New Outlook, Who Dis?

December 24, 2019 Liberata Leave a comment

It’s official. Being single in your 30’s might just be the worst title one can have today. And before any of my feminist friends lose their shit at me for this declaration, hear me out first.

You see, I’ve been quite comfortable moving through life at my own single speed. Sure, I’ve had a few great “almost, maybe” relationships, but none of them ever ended in “happily ever after”. And that’s okay. Because being single is fabulous, right? You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. You don’t have to share anything. Or compromise. You get the entire bed to yourself. And my favorite part- every day is literally brimming with the excitement of the possibility that you could meet THE ONE. In other words, when you’re single, you almost feel like the rest of your life is still one big, exciting question mark, and your future is still full of unlimited possibilities (I know, I know- que Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten).

Okay, so maybe that’s just my only child syndrome showing, or maybe it’s my selfish nature to usually put myself first. And do every little thing myself (because who else can it better, right?). But more importantly, maybe it’s because in today’s world, I have to question how anyone could ever make another person happy, without first being happy with themselves. Sure I want the King to my Queen, but how can I financially contribute equally to a relationship when I’m still building my own empire? How am I supposed to inspire and motivate another person when I’m still so focused finding my own? Because after all, especially by today’s standards, success is something I should be able to build all by myself, and definitely not with the help of a partner.

The pressure of being a strong, independent female today is real, y’all. And truth be told- it’s exhausting.

So if you’re anything like me, you most likely spent your 20’s working hard to be the Boss Babe that you are now in your 30’s. I see you Queen. You ate your glitter for breakfast, and you became the proud poster child for #riseandgrind. You’re by no means rich (yet), but you’ve been able to support yourself, all the while successfully dodging fuckboys along the way. AND you probably did it all in heels. That in itself should earn you a trophy. Or at the very least a vacation.

Except there is no trophy. And there is no vacation. Instead, there’s only another level, or another new goal you’ve decided you need to reach. Which means more glitter will be needed, and more rising and grinding will be done before we might finally be able to declare ourselves as “happy”. To be fair, I’m not sure what exactly happens to a person when they do successfully reach it. Maybe some internal light magically turns on similar to a taxi cab, letting men know that you’re finally qualified enough to be Wifey material. Or, maybe nothing happens at all, and we just have to continue dodging fuckboys until The One simply decides just to casually show up one day in some meet cute kind of way.

Or maybe, we can finally just stop worrying about it. And just keep crushing our goals while we live our life. For the record, this is the option I vote for.

So why is being single in your 30’s such a toxic title to have today? Well the truth is…. it isn’t. Or rather, you shouldn’t look at it that way. Because being judged for being single in your 30’s is really just a sign of the times, and not a sign of your life choices. Or perhaps I should say- a sign of the changing of times.

Let me explain….

Remember when you were young, and society had this normalized standard that you thought you had to follow to be successful? First you would go to college to get the job that would make the money, then you would meet Prince Charming somewhere in your 20’s, get married, and then finally, you would have the family and coveted white picket fence in your 30’s. It all sounds so lovely, right?

God, we were stupid….

Because as it would turn out, we would grow up as the generation that would rewrite the entire fucking script. The generation that proved you didn’t need to go to college to land the dream job. Instead, we realized we could skip the student loans, create our own dream jobs instead, and just start working for ourselves.

We realized the divorce rate was ridiculous, as most of us grew up in single parent homes. So we decided maybe getting married in your 20’s wasn’t the best idea, and we took our time instead. So we used our 20’s to live. We used our 20’s for travel. For experiences. And for an education that no classroom would have ever provided. And hopefully, through all that, you figured out just who “you” really were, and how much “you” were really capable of. And then to our surprise, we discovered the person we were in our 20’s would still yet somehow evolve into almost an entirely different person in our 30’s.

And now here we are in our 30’s, and we’re still learning. About ourselves, and about what we define as a successful life. For some of us it might still be that family with the white picket fence. But for others, it could be the apartment you’re still renting in NYC. Or maybe it’s living with your best friend in the Hollywood Hills. Or maybe it’s the old, but very shabby chic farmhouse with just enough property to shelter all the animals you rescued.

The point is- the only way to measure your success in life…. is you. Or more specifically, your happiness with where you are, right now.

So the truth is, maybe our 30’s are when we just need to stop. Stop with all of it. Stop with the standards. Stop with the timelines. Stop with the judgement. And to finally stop letting ridiculous factors like goals or wealth determine our own happiness with where we are in life, at this very moment.

And instead, maybe we just need to start looking at ourselves as individuals that each have their own idea of what happiness is. As individuals that are still learning. Still growing. And more importantly, individuals that are still making mistakes.

But above all, maybe your 30’s are for finally realizing the only things worth chasing in this crazy beautiful life, are the things that set your soul on fire.

#BombshellCode, Beauty, Blogger Style, Dating, Fashion, Spring 2016

It’s a Date.

May 2, 2016 Liberata Leave a comment

Few things bring can be as terrifying as the challenge of determining what to wear on a first date.

I mean… except for the actual first date itself, of course.

But seriously- think about all the pressure that goes into one little outfit. This could be the man you’ve been waiting your entire life for. Or he could be a total idiot. Either way, you’ll be saying a lot about who you are simply by what you have on.

And who you are is a confident, sexy, bad ass woman.

Yasssss, girl, I see you!

Okay, but how exactly does a confident, sexy, bad ass woman dress? Well… that’s the thing. There’s no set definition anymore. Think about the last time someone walked into a room and you really felt their presence. Chances are when you picture them now, you’re not focused on what they had on, but rather the confidence, or power they exuded. You know right away that this person has complete control.

In other words, they’re secure.

They know who they are, and exactly what they have to offer.

As a result, what they’re wearing is simply a reflection of that security- and not a source of validation for it.

More importantly, these individuals aren’t dressing for you or anyone else, seeing that approval is the last thing they need. And that is exactly how getting ready for a date should be.

So now back to my original question- what are you going to wear?? I know that telling you anything is pretty much fair game these days doesn’t help much. But I do think having a firm understanding of how you want to feel does. First dates are already stressful enough. The desire to be the best “you” is understandable. And as much as we hate thinking of a first date like a job interview, it kinda is…

So we have to prepare for both the same way: with honest confidence.

Yep- the key word here is “honest”. In other words, throwing on a short revealing dress will almost certainly gain his attention. And probably everyone else’s too. Now, if that’s who you are, then you own that. With no apologies. I mean zero. I will never tear a girl down who is simply staying true to who she is. And if you’re a girl that loves to flaunt her curves then I support that. But if this is NOT you, then you need to back away from the bodycon dresses. At least for now. There’s plenty of time for that down the road.

So what I’m saying is- keep it casual. That’s right. This fashionista is actually telling you to keep it simple. Well, more like simple-ish. And just to clarify, casual does not mean you can look like you’re on your way to yoga. Even if that is who you are. (Unless of course your first date is actually going to yoga….) Because even a first date deserves the respect of effort on your behalf.

Effort = Interest

So what is considered casual?

First of all, casual should be looked at as an overall tone of the look, and not a uniform. Its a style that is literally in the styling itself. Casual can mean jeans and a t-shirt…. except the t-shirt is knotted to expose just the slightest hint of skin. Meaning, its a look that combines equal parts of both naturally sexy and effortlessly chic. As women, this is something we ALL have. Think of all the times you’ve heard men talk about how much more beautiful we are without makeup (lies…). Or how amazing we look in the morning when we first wake up (more lies…). Maybe we do… Maybe we don’t… Either way, I believe these opinions are based off of something deeper than simply the existence of one’s outer beauty. They’re seeing something more honest. Raw. Vulnerable. And that’s incredibly sexy to men. Because guess what- the real you is sexy. Yes girl! Eyebrows on fleek, or not. And keeping it casual on a first date is about as close as allowing a man to see you in those situations as you can get. Unless you actually wake up with him the next morning. Which would be frowned upon…

Though I’m still not casting any judgement.

So now the fun part…..

A personal list of my favorite coveted date night looks, perfect for just about any situation or mood. Find one that speaks to you and give it a shot. Because while I cant promise the guy wont turn out to be a total idiot, I CAN say these looks are positively fool-proof….

Denim

Ripped, skinny, boycut- they ALL work. Studies have shown this is the look men love the most. Not that we care. Because we wear what WE want to wear. So if you’re a denim kind of girl, this is all you.

Blazers & Cut-Off’s

Admit it- who doesnt love showing a little leg? But just like everything else in life, the key is balance. So go ahead. Throw on your shortest shorts. Just top off the look with a casual tee or tank. Add a blazer. And boom- you’re the girl next store, with a 401K. Now who doesn’t want that??

Dresses

The classic staple. And spring nights just beg for a flirty, flowing dress. If ultra feminine is your thing, then a romantic little dress is all it takes.

Leather

For my rocker babes. Because you like a little edge with your romance. Though a rebel at heart, deep down you’re a lover- not a fighter.

Bohemian

My personal favorite. Because I believe all a girl really needs in life is sangria and Free People.

Straight From Work

We’ve all been there. You’re running late, or maybe you’re just a boss bitch. But like any true hustler, you know how to make it work when you need some time to play and you’re short on time. A quick change of accessories and its game on…

Slay.

White/Black

Nothing basic or boring here. You just know how to keep things classy. I ain’t mad atcha… He wont be either.

Hair/Makeup

And finally, that last finishing touch. As you may already know, now is not the time to try any new looks. Tempting as it is to try something different, this rarely turns out to be a good idea in this particular situation. For instance, if you’re not someone who wears false lashes on the regular, don’t. Just don’t. And this applies to anything else you may be thinking about extending, enlarging or contouring.

Less is truly more here.

You’re welcome.

And there you have it ladies. Come hither looks that should be as effortless as your potential relationship.

No smokey eye required. No cleavage necessary.

Now get your fine self out there and turn some heads.

And steer clear of the idiots.

And remember that when all else fails in love, there’s still sangria and Free People.

______________________________

X

#BombshellCode, Confessions, Dating, Sorry I'm No Sorry

What came first, the relationship or the egg?

March 28, 2016 Liberata Leave a comment

Okay, so forgive the Easter pun here.

But since today’s holiday is basically centered around the idea of someone rising from the dead, I cant think of anything that’s harder for our generation to believe in than…

love.

Its true- we find the idea of love harder to grasp than the idea of someone rising from the dead. Because we also happen to be a generation where many find entertainment in preparing for a zombie apocalypse. So not only do we believe in it, we’re pretty much banking on it.

And honestly, the odds of me surviving an apocalypse are probably far better than my odds of getting married. Or at least, getting married one time and having that marriage last forever. And that’s pretty discouraging considering my only plan for zombie survival involves barricading myself in Barney’s, and happily living out the rest of my existence in couture. If time permits, I might even hit up a liquor store beforehand.

No, really- that’s pretty much my plan. So if you want to join me, bring food.

But back to my original point- Today, its love that has somehow become the miracle, where we need to see it to truly believe it.

But how will we even know it when we see it? In other words, what comes first- the relationship, or the love? Being someone that was raised on the idea that loves come first, I’ve pretty much gone through life expecting to meet someone, and somehow just knowing that they were “the one”. You know, the whole “love at first sight” theory. Except it hasn’t happened yet. So its made me think that maybe love isn’t something that is quite so instant and obvious. Maybe love is something that is brought slowly to life over the course of a relationship, through a series of shared experiences and consistency. In which case, maybe love is simply the byproduct of trust?

So what does happen when we meet someone? Maybe its not love at first sight, but its something, right? There has to be some reason that makes you want to continue seeing someone. Or at the very least, continue to eat food with them (since that’s what a lot of dating is). Maybe it is love at first sight, or… maybe its just lust. Or maybe, there’s just something about them, recognizable only to you. Researchers have suggested pheromones could be the culprit- apparently we all have our own unique scent, that only our “person” is able to detect. So not only do you have a fingerprint, you also have an “odorprint”. Which means love could literally be in the air between two people. Romantic? Yes. Helpful? Not so much, since sniffing someone is considered rude. Plus, these scents are generally undetectable, and only reach us on a subconscious level.

Moving on.

Maybe many of us have simply lost our belief in love as a result of our unrealistic expectations? Everything about our society today is based on instant gratification. Results need to be immediate for anything to be considered a victory. Where patience was once considered a virtue, its now no longer something we’ll even consider. We invest in liposuction over a gym membership, fast food over cooking, texts over phone calls, and one night stands over relationships. So why wouldn’t our feelings eventually begin to work on the same demanding schedule? Instead of getting to know someone over time, and slowly falling in love with the person for who they really are, we force the process and “fall in love” with the idea of who we want them to be.

I think I’m on to something here…

Going from personal experience, I have been a victim of this pattern countless times. And I’ll justify my use of the word “victim” here in just a second. You see, I’m not a serial dater. I just don’t see the benefit in dating more than one person at a time. One, its hard enough for me to find time to properly adult most days, let alone play games. Two, I actually enjoy learning about someone. And Three, I believe above all we need to actually be the person we want to date. So I’ll invest time with someone until it no longer works out. And this is where the word “victim” comes in. Because usually it stops working once the man I’m seeing slowly starts to morph into the man he actually is. He reverts. The impressive standard he set in the beginning with his actions begins to drastically lower. His priorities start to include things that were never a factor before. Words stop becoming actions. And finally, the things that were so consistent initially are now irrelevant. Usually the magic words “I love you” have been spoken at this point- probably as a way to deflect attention from everything else that is disappointing you. Except I never say “I love you” back- instead, I walk away.

There was no love at first sight, and there was no love created over time. In other words- he wasn’t “the one”. And no one should ever remain with someone because it feels better to them than being alone. Or because its convenient. Or worse- because you think its the kind of relationship you deserve. Obviously, its not fair to either party. But more importantly, being with the wrong person actually IS worse than being alone. Staying with the wrong person means you’re eliminating any possibility of meeting the person who IS everything you want. And that’s the most exciting idea to someone who is single. Regardless of whether love is instant or not, it is something you deserve.

So while I cant be sure what comes first- the love, or the relationship- I DO know that the presence of it is all that really matters. So keep dating. Stay positive. Have fun. Don’t let the pressures of how you think love is supposed to work determine your worth to anyone- including yourself. Walk away from anything that doesn’t make you happy.

Because when you keep your heart open and available to it, love will eventually find you. And just like your “odorprint” it will be up to you, and only you, to recognize it.

X

#BombshellCode, Dating, Sorry I'm No Sorry

“Why Are You Still Single?”

November 5, 2015 Liberata Leave a comment

…

Recently, I read an article about a teacher who quit her job after no longer being able to withstand modern teaching methods. She watched as her students struggled and became frustrated when they were all forced to learn the same methods, the same way, at the same time. The students who weren’t able to grasp concepts the same way as others who picked them up quickly felt like there was something wrong with them. They wanted to learn- it wasn’t for lack of effort- they just needed a different process. And preferring to look like the “bad kid” instead of the “stupid kid”, they would act out. Or, they would simply give up all together.

I couldn’t help but notice the similarities with dating these days.

In a culture where everything is instant, socially broadcast and easily replaced, its easy to figure out who’s in love…. and who’s single. Its also equally easy to feel the pressure of your status more than ever- because apparently, it says A LOT about you. Accurate or not.

And as someone happily residing in Singleville, I. Am. Over. It.

As I’ve mentioned before, in my group of friends, I’m “that girl“. Notoriously single, and rather comfortable with it, I’m used to being questioned and prodded by my friends like a circus monkey. I cant really blame them- my dating life is WAY more comical than anything you’ll find on Netflix. And I don’t mind dishing. Plus, it kinda helps me cope with the trauma from bad dates with clueless fuck boys. Yes, wine and laughter really does cure ALL.

But as open as I am about my failed romances- and I use that term loosely- there is one question that I find not only unnecessary, but offensive:

Why are you still single?

Um, gee, well, it might be that chain letter I never forwarded back in 1998. Or my inability to cook. Or maybe, totally unbeknownst to me, I’m actually insane. Plus, I kinda dig cats. Oh, and I’m also vegetarian?

Or maybe- how about this: What business is it of yours?

To me, asking someone why they’re single is really just a polite way of asking what’s wrong with them. Like my current status in life is so horrible and unimaginable, there must be SOME reasonable explanation. This is when people usually reply with bullshit answers to avoid pity and make them look less grotesque and more human: I work too much… I’m just focusing on me right now… I’m waiting for Adam Levine to become available again (please God!!)… So, just to keep things fair, I usually just answer the question with another question:

How are you still not?

Pow. And this is the exact moment where everyone can grab their popcorn and wait for the shit show to begin. Because apparently asking someone for a reasonable explanation on how they’ve managed to find someone to put up with their flaws is frowned upon.

And that right there is what we call a double standard.

You get my point? I’m not damaged goods. I’m not unlovable. And I’m certainly not crazy. I’m not anything but me. Like the frustrated kids in class, I’m simply operating on a different system. And while my system may not be the same as yours, I’ll still get the right answer.

(And by the way- is it not complete irony that I was in all Honors classes??)

My point is, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. There’s no dark and twisty past. No fear of commitment. Except maybe to the wrong guy. So what if I haven’t followed a pre-determined timeline of dating, by basic methods, where the final exam is marriage. The SAT’s of love. And let me just say- there are quite a few of you that have already failed that one miserably.

Maybe I’m fine taking all the prep courses I can for now. So when the time comes to apply all that knowledge, I’ll knock it clear out of the park.

Maybe, while everyone else is cheating off each other’s papers, I’m simply concentrating on my own. On my time. My way.

And maybe… just maybe, I actually care so much about it, that I want to be the best one in the class. The Valedictorian of my life.

And in all honesty, looking back, my time being single has never been time wasted. I am someone who is constantly evolving. Constantly learning. Probably more so than others. And there has been no greater teacher than my time with my own self. And while I’m not saying there aren’t things to discover with the help of someone else, I am saying that you need to know yourself first. Cause any relationship prior to that isn’t a relationship at all- its a distraction.

So in case you haven’t caught on yet- being single has nothing to with anyone but ME. Forget the god awful quotes you read on Tumbler. You know which ones I’m talking about…

Yeah. Exactly. Stop posting that ridiculous shit. “Amazing” should be a no-brainer. It should be the bare minimum of traits in your significant other. It should not need a Pinterest board to remind you- or anyone else– of that. Instead, remind yourself of your own amazing attributes. They are SO much more interesting.

As we grow, we go through our own personal life experiences at different times. Our first date… Our first kiss… Our first love… Our second… Some people go on to Grad School. Some never even finish High School. These are the very factors that make each of us so beautifully unique. So why should anything else have an expiration date. There are no numbers stamped on me that say “Best by ##/##/####”. And yet here we all are, happily going on about our days, doing the best we can, trying to achieve our own goals. So just like all the other beautiful, unique factors that make you YOU, who is anyone to determine the timeline for all the things still to come?

So the next time someone asks why you’re still single- tell them the truth.

That you’re not single.

You’re fine.

In fact, you’re more than just fine-

You’re fabulous.

#BombshellCode

(Although I might start forwarding those chain letters- just in case… ;))

X

#BombshellCode, Confessions, Dating, Intro, Model Life

Confessions: Intro

July 15, 2015 Liberata Leave a comment

…

Confession 1:

The Intro

…

Yes, yes- I know. I promised you when this fabulous site first launched that I would be open and honest about my own personal love life. And I think now is the perfect time to begin that process.

You see, a very large motivating factor for this very site is my perpetual habit of choosing men that are SO wrong for me. Like, really wrong. Like, so wrong that my own Mom gave up any kind of hope a long time ago. And lets be honest- if I made logical decisions on whom I dated, I doubt I would be nearly as interesting. Or scarred (literally). And think of all the awesome experiences I would have missed out on. Like finding out the guy you’ve been dating for a month is married. Or being bit by an overly intoxicated date (I really wasn’t joking about the scar). And then there’s the closet Jesus freak that compared me to a prostitute (thank you POF!). How about the guy that freaked out on me, and then blamed it on his preventative hair-loss medication…

By now, I have enough experience to supply complete storylines for at least 3 movies. Except none of them come with Fairytale endings. Yet. No, they’re probably more like horror films. And clearly I’m like the dumb, slutty blonde character that always dies in the end because she runs the (very obvious) wrong way.

You would think I’d learn by now…

Which brings me to my topic.

After years of dating, and with no real relationships to really show for it, it makes me wonder- Are we all willing to keep putting ourselves out there because we’re addicted to love? Or just the rush of dating to find someone better?

Lets go back to the old boring way people used to do it. There was no internet, no texting, no Joe Manganiello. I mean, that’s enough right there for me to hate things. But yet, I think people were at their happiest when it came to dating. They didn’t have a whole world of potential partners to choose from- they had their hometown. They didn’t initiate contact with weeks of texting before “hanging out”. They went on actual dates. Together. Without any prior knowledge of each other that they gathered from Facebook and Google. Like, whoa.

And for those still not quite sure what this mythical term means, “Dating” was considered a formal act of courtship. A clear first step in determining if you guys were going to get hitched down the road. They went to places like drive-ins. Probably because the only action they could even hope for HAD to take place during the actual date itself- because going home with the other person at the end of the night wasn’t even an option. Hence why you actually had to GO TO PLACES SPECIFICALLY TO MAKEOUT. Where other couples were making out around you (Ew…). And then you waited for a phone call. Like, really waited. By a phone that was connected to a wall. For days (which would be like weeks today). And that was code for “You are now in consideration for future hitching”.

Awesome.

Take my parents, for instance- they met at a party… and never left each others side. They grew up in the same town. Met through mutual friends. Fell in love. And STAYED in love. As a bonus, they even got me out of the deal. Again- Awesome.

And since we’re on that note, lets look at me. It seems the fact that I have remained single is so unexplainable to my friends. No one can understand it. Or when I meet someone new…..

I often get stared at in wonder by family the same way people probably look at crop circles. How? Why? Should we be afraid?? After all, I come from a good, balanced family. My childhood was almost TOO perfect. There are no tragic incidents from my past to report. I have a college degree. A great career. BAD shopping habits (it cant all be sunshine and roses…). I’m healthy… Intelligent… Happy…

So…. whats wrong with me?

The answer- Absolutely nothing.

I’m just an example, or by-product even, of dating by today’s standards. Or rather, lack thereof. I’m an example of someone addicted to the thrill of the hunt and driven by personal challenge. Men are trophies. Sex is power. And feelings, if you even have any, are disposable. Terrified at the thought of missing out on someone better, I never want to get too attached.

Okay, so I’m not totally ALL of those things. Not all together. Because that would make me a frigid bitch that’s incapable of love. If anything, I’m the exact opposite. I look for it so hard that I ignore all the signs that are screaming for me to run. And yet I don’t. Because I’m the dumb blonde that always runs the wrong way, remember? But I can probably directly link one or more of those reasons to most of, if not all, of my past relationships.

And speaking of which, lets look at some of those, shall we?

*As a side note to the men of my past who might find themselves reading this- relax. Your identity is safe. This isn’t a Burn Book, and you’re not that special. But it IS my honest opinion. So deal with it.

Now, I cant possibly write about all the great ~~loves~~ of my life in one post. I feel like I would be cheating you from some pretty epic examples of “Oh no he didn’t!!” moments. And those moments are exactly what you came here for. And just to set the record straight- I’m no angel myself. But most of you probably already guessed that.

So instead, I’ll share these stories with you individually. In the form of “Confessions”. Confessions to my past addictions (also known as “men”), and the lessons that came with them. Because like any good drug, they all had some euphoric hold on me. And then eventually left me strung out and exhausted. Some even left me ashamed. Others craving another hit. Some I went multiple rounds with. Some I hope to never lay eyes on again. Ever.

So get ready. Because honesty is always the best policy….

Sorry I’m not sorry.

#BombshellCode

X

“There’s nothing wrong with getting dirty when you clean up well.”

#BombshellCode, Dating, Model Life

Going Ghost: Today’s “I’m Just Not That Into You”

July 13, 2015 Liberata Leave a comment

…

We all remember the episode. The iconic words spoken by the one and only Jack Berger to explain one of the greatest mysteries still numbing the female mind today. The mystery of dating someone you presume to be amazing. Someone who obviously finds you equally amazing. This is followed by the mystery of that very same person suddenly becoming (and staying) too busy for you. Till finally, here comes the wine filled investigation with your best P.I.’s/girlfriends on why- Maybe he really is busy? Nope. He scared of commitment? LOL. Maybe he’s sick? Wrong again. Maybe he’s out of town? Possibly- if the new town he’s visiting is named Veronica. And then of course, no girl rally is ever complete without someone fiercely declaring “It’s not you, it’s him!”. Well, that’s partially correct… because really…

“He’s just not that into you…”

And boom. Everything made sense. Just like that. 6 honest words was all it took for confused women around the globe to shove that loser out of their mind, strap on their Manolo’s, and get back in the game. No agonizing. No over analyzing. Just straight forward progression to meeting someone new. And it wasn’t because they were excited the guy didn’t like them- it was because they had CLOSURE. And logical closure at that. An understandable and relatable reason to no longer invest time or energy into someone. And then closure on your end would usually go something like this- “HE wasn’t into ME?? What an idiot. Well clearly the guy is delusional. And not to mention totally clueless on what size he actually wears. Thank God I found out now- I wonder if the Christian Grey look-a-like still goes to my Starbucks…? I need new shoes.”.

And just like that, you’re on to the next one. Not just the next one, but a sexier, funnier, smarter one. And hopefully richer. ALWAYS richer. If you’re not constantly upgrading the type of man you are dating, you are SO doing it wrong. #BombshellCode

But alas, that was then. And this… well, this is now.

Welcome to Generation Ghost.

The generation that decided just to skip the whole awkward “I’m sorry- I have to be up really early tomorrow” excuse and just straight up ignores you. This tactic can be deployed by either the male or female. Basically, whoever lost interest first, or found someone more interesting/hotter/taller/richer/dumber on Tinder. There are varying degrees of Ghosting, but in order for it to count as a full blown Ghost experience, the person must disappear out of the blue, with no logical reason or warning. I’m serious- you’re going to think they were struck by lightning. But usually a simple look at their social media will eliminate any doubt. In other words, if they can post a picture of their breakfast on Instagram, thereby confirming they still exist, but not respond to your text from 2 days ago, well… you can now consider your life the new sequel to Paranormal Activity.

…

So here comes the real question about this new phenomenon- is it good or bad? Personally, I believe the answer depends on how fast you accept it- and react to it. In one way, we have eliminated the awkward and sometimes painful last minute date cancelations. There’s no need to come up with clever excuses as to why- food poisoning/my mom is sick/I have to wash my hair/I was in a tragic car accident that left me paralyzed. Cause we all know- the more incredulous the lie, the more believable it HAS to be.

But we’re also avoiding being honest. And more importantly- communication in general. This kind of treatment can only lead to one feeling disposable. I believe that no matter what the reason, we all deserve the right to know. You don’t have to believe it, or adjust your whole life/personality as a result of it- it IS just someone’s opinion after all. Like, if someone judged me for having too many clothes, I would point and laugh, and then move on happily. To Saks. Cause NO ONE needs that kind of negativity in their life. And look at that- in addition to a new dress for your next new (hotter/richer/funnier/smarter) date, you got honesty AND closure. Fuck yeah.

But when someone goes Ghost, you have two choices. Choice #1, you can be smart and recognize it. And I mean quickly. I’m not saying you should assume this is the case because a whole day went by without a text. But I WOULD say that you should start doing damage control and accept this could be the case. What you DO NOT do is start sending text after text. Which brings us to Choice #2, refusing to accept that anyone could be dumb enough to lose interest in you. So you’re going to spend the next few weeks over analyzing, texting, and feeling bad about yourself while figuring out what you did wrong. The fact is, someone IS dumb enough to lose interest in you. And that’s exactly how you have to look at it. That’s the thing with Ghosts- there will never be solid proof. Just a bunch of urban legends as to why he disappeared.

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Regardless of which route you take, this is the biggest challenge with Ghosting- the risk of OR belief in the Ghost coming back to life. With no closure, you can never really be sure. I mean, maybe he really WAS sick with the flu. For 3 months. With no ability to make contact cause he also had the Chicken Pox. And had to wear oven mitts. So he couldn’t text. I KNEW IT!!

Yep. He must be your Prince Charming. It just took 3 months worth of other women for him to see it.

You get my point? And just in case you’re still painfully unaware of the obvious, let me clarify- once someone goes Ghost, there is no coming back. Ever. Even Pet Cemetery couldn’t resuscitate this relationship. So exercise the demons. Preferably with a new man who actually does adore you. And puts you first. And puts all your fears of the paranormal at rest.

Take ownership and see the relationship, however long or short, for what it really was. Was it REALLY all that incredible? Or just convenient. Or maybe a little of both. Either way, chances are you’re going to look back and it will make sense as to why it didn’t work. And yes, a simple “Because he was a dick” is fine.

But finally, here is some good news with Ghosts. Unlike cheaters, ghosting is not an actual characteristic trait. So the whole “Once a cheater, always…” theory doesn’t apply here. It is still believed by both Ghost’s and Ghostees that when the right person comes along, Ghosting isn’t something to be worried about. Unless of course, he actually DOES get struck by lightning. And if that does happen, well, I would classify that as simply a case of good old fashioned karma.

So in the end, I guess we can put Ghosting in the Blessing category. Eventually. Way down the road when you’ve met The One, elusive as they may be. The real life man of your dreams who only makes excuses to spend more time with you (“Sorry Boss, I think I caught the flu….”). That’s when you can finally stop being afraid of ghosts, once and for all. And your scary dating past can become just another urban legend.

And finally, lets get back to good ol’ Jack Berger. What a piece of work this guy was. Do you remember how he broke up with Carrie? I know, I know- stupid question. Of course you do. It was the most incredible example of a douchebag you had EVER seen in your romantic life up to that point.

I’m sorry. I cant. Don’t hate me.

The Post-It. I bet it still makes you cringe. Except it shouldn’t. Not today anyways. Because we leave our own little break up Post-Its all the time. Except now we simply send them via text. So at the VERY least, thank Ghosting for saving you from having to deal with THAT.

And honestly, I have a lot to thank my own personal Ghosts for. They forced me to really look at myself and take responsibility. To grow up. And to accept that we don’t always get what we want- and that sometimes we SHOULDNT get what we want. And even more importantly, I gained the ability to take all the times that men made me feel like nothing, and then turn it into a big something. A voice. For you.

And as it turns out, I’m not as stupid as the ghosts in my life have made me feel.

And that’s the greatest self discovery of all.

So yeah- R.I.P. bitches.

X

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#BombshellCode, Dating

Bad Blood

July 7, 2015 Liberata Leave a comment

We’ve talked about fashion. We’ve talked about music. Now its time to balance it all out and get down to the dirty.

The one topic that continues to elude us all. Because like everything else, dating is also a constantly evolving game- except now there are more players and rules then ever before.

Lets go back to basics first. Starting with the most primal, natural, gratifying part of the whole process- the chase. The act of pursuing a partner that seems completely disinterested in your now sole mission in life. Its calculated. And for some men, its even art. Seduce and destroy. Or, seduce and actually fall in love. Either way, the rules used to be clear. Gestures were grand.

It was actually kind of romantic.

But those days are gone. The only evidence that they even existed are found in Romantic Comedies. You can thank THEM for giving you an unrealistic idea of what to expect today. I mean, if you’re a bird, I’m a bird, right??

Wrong.

Had The Notebook been written today, you would have seen Noah jump on Tinder the second he was single, swiping at a feverish pace to find the next great lay. Or, instead of reading to Allie at the end, he would have just sent her texts full of emoticons. Because any real words or questions might come off as too forward. Maybe every now and then she’ll get a dick pic (that he keeps stored in his phone because he’s sent it to 5 other girls already).

Uh huh. I bet you’re all suddenly relating now.

We don’t even HAVE rules anymore. By the time anyone can really come up with some, technology changes again, or a new app is released, and suddenly its all blurry again.

For instance- can you even DEFINE dating today? In fact, it sounds stupid to even still use the word since no one really even goes on dates anymore anyways. We “hang out”. When was the last time someone actually picked you up, took you out, dropped you off, walked you to your door….? Today, everyone meets somewhere. And then we find it charming if they tell us to text them that we got home safely. See- obviously they must like you.

Nope. Sorry. That’s just someone being a decent human being. Cause the real test comes after…

How long till either of you are checking your online dating accounts? If my theories are correct, HE was probably checking it periodically through your “date”. YOU waited till at least after you sent the follow up “Just got home, had a great time, insert every emoticon under the sun except for a heart cause that’s too forward”.

And there you have it. We don’t want easy (the chase), but yet, we DO want easy. Because we know that if there is something even remotely challenging about this person, or if they don’t meet our requirements (I mean, he’s not even 6 ft!?), we can go shop online for our next date. I mean, hang out in a public place that we both drove to. Sounds like a real fairytale…

It gets worse though. Lets say you’re now dating someone that you actually really do like, “flaws” and all (5’11 is almost 6 ft, after all). But are you dating?? Like, really dating. Like, exclusively banging each others brains out 3 to 4 nights a week? I mean, we’re sleeping together, and hang out all the time, so I guess so… But he hasn’t changed his Facebook status…? And he still has his POF account…? Wait- where did he say he was going tonight?? We haven’t had “the talk” yet… Its okay- I left enough of my stuff in his bathroom to mark my territory. And yes ladies- THAT is where all your bobbie pins and hair ties go. They are sacrifices to the dating Gods to warn all potential bitches that’s YOUR property. Have you ever been in a guys bathroom and saw a bobbie pin?? Universal girl code sign to “Run, Side Chick, ruuuunn!”.

Are you kidding me? You just had sex on his kitchen counter, but the idea of suggesting being exclusive seems too forward? To clingy? No, you’re right. Its better just to play it cool. You don’t want to pressure him, after all. I’m sure he just hasn’t gotten around to uninstalling his dating apps because he’s soooo wrapped up in you. And those pictures he liked on Facebook- I’m sure those bikini clad stripper looking girls are just old friends. Yep, you got yourself a real gentleman. Who needs The Notebook, or titles?

YOU DO.

Stop letting little shits like this change the rules of dating. Change the act of pursuing you. Change YOUR STANDARDS.

You are NOT hard to love. You are NOT setting an unrealistic standard.

When I talk about dating, I hear most of the blame being placed on men today. And I could not disagree more. I think men are pretty simple- when they like you, there is rarely any doubt. They call. They make plans. They keep plans. They make more plans.

Women on the other hand, well, we don’t seem to understand that. So we make excuses. Over-analyze on reasons why we haven’t heard from him. We give way to much when we get way too little. And with that, we have reinforced negative behavior. You didn’t hear from him for 3 days…, but he said he was busy…, it was a really tough week at work…., so I guess I’ll go over his place tonight…

Yeah, he must REALLY like you. Until 3 days turns into 5 days. 5 days turn into a week. And then a week turns into you crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s wondering what’s wrong with you. Next thing you know, you’re the next Taylor Swift. Except you don’t write songs- your weapon of choice is passive aggressive Facebook posts and Instagram quotes. Now, before you run out to buy a bunch of cats and declaring yourself a lesbian from here on out, let me break it down to you. Cause I’ve done the Ben & Jerry routine one too many times. There’s NOTHING wrong with you.

You just didn’t clarify what YOU wanted. What you needed. You put the focus on him. His needs. His rules. You silenced yourself when you shouldn’t have. All in the sake of playing it cool. And that’s exactly what happened. Because it probably never should have been in the first place. And if you would have spoken up about what YOU wanted, and how YOU felt, you would have seen this answer a lot sooner. Way before the emotional attachments started (that stupid pet name he gave you). Or the routines became consistent (we slept sooo good together). And definitely way before he ever made you feel bad about yourself, or what you deserve. You were easy. You were comfortable. And, eventually, you became replaceable.

So you see, its not always a good thing to be easy. Not when it comes at the cost of being honest. With yourself, and with him.

Be open about who you are. And direct about what you need.

Yeah, you’re probably still going to “hang out” with a lot of idiots. And get dick pics. Seriously guys- stop sending those. No one gets excited by them. But you’ll also save yourself a lot of time and heartache, freeing you to meet the guy that DOES pick you up. And deletes his Tinder account. And realizes upon meeting you what we already knew-

that if you’re a bird, he’s a bird.

X

#BombshellCode, Beauty, Dating, Fashion, Model Life

A Perfect Lie…

June 23, 2015 Liberata Leave a comment

https://open.spotify.com/track/7G852cXa8LBspMja7NvTSs

HELLO, GORGEOUS….

And welcome to my “mlog”.

It seems fitting that my first post should be more of a description of that very word. A preface of sorts. A reason to ~~anticipate~~ crave the next post.

Model + Blog = Mlog

Clever, right?

You see, I believe I have a talent. And it’s not modeling. Its COLLABORATING. The thrill of each shoot isn’t the shoot itself. Its the pulling of wardrobe. Its the collecting of pieces. Its breathing life into the ideas in my head. Down to every little detail. The images are simply the final result. The climax.

The images are me. And by “me” I’m referring to that person in your head you wish you could be. Not because you cant- but because you’re afraid. Have you ever found yourself saying “I could never pull that off….”? THAT is you making an excuse. And that is what I hope to change.

Why?

Because you deserve to know that YOU are fucking gorgeous. And as long as you believe that, you can pull off any look your fierce little heart desires.

I have a gut instinct that I follow. From shopping, to getting ready for work, to prepping for a shoot, to lounging like a goddess at home. That instinct is a mixture of the tone that I want to set, and the foundation of how I want to feel. In other words- expression.

“Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak”

So I’m going to share all my secrets with you. In a series of fashion adventures. Whether its packing for NYC, shooting in Miami, or date night in Tampa (yes, I kiss and tell…). And while you may regret the guy, you will never regret how you looked. Because this is about YOU.

And because I believe in details, each post will include a song to help further set the tone. Because I don’t shoot or dress without music. And maybe a few other things, too…

So get ready Bombshell- I’m going to expose myself in the hopes of inspiring you to not only just pull it off, but to own it.

And with that, I will leave you my first rule:

1. Don’t EVER concern yourself with what others think.

Ever.

There is a huge difference in how you make others feel, and how you let others make you feel. If I worried about what every bitch thought of me, I’d be just that- another worried bitch. And quite frankly, I feel the world has enough of those. So brush them off. Embrace the fact that if you are going to live your life as strong, confident, beautiful female (or as a fine ass male) you WILL have critics. That’s good. Embrace them. They are your biggest fans.

Live your life for you. Dress for you. Date for you.

#BombshellCode

Get used to seeing that.

Now, take in everything you read here. Let it sink in. Start thinking of all those amazing things you have wanted to do/try/wear/say, but haven’t found the reason to yet.

Because THIS is your reason.

Few things bring can be as terrifying as the challenge of determining what to wear on a first date.

I mean… except for the actual first date itself, of course.

And who you are is a confident, sexy, bad ass woman.

Yasssss, girl, I see you!

In other words, they’re secure.

As a result, what they’re wearing is simply a reflection of that security- and not a source of validation for it.

So we have to prepare for both the same way: with honest confidence.

So what is considered casual?

So now the fun part…..

Denim

Blazers & Cut-Off’s

Dresses

Leather

Bohemian

Straight From Work

White/Black

Hair/Makeup

No smokey eye required. No cleavage necessary.

X

love.

No, really- that’s pretty much my plan. So if you want to join me, bring food.

Moving on.

I think I’m on to something here…

X

I couldn’t help but notice the similarities with dating these days.

Why are you still single?

Or maybe- how about this: What business is it of yours?

How are you still not?

(And by the way- is it not complete irony that I was in all Honors classes??)

You’re fabulous.

#BombshellCode

(Although I might start forwarding those chain letters- just in case… ;))

X

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Confession 1:

The Intro

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*As a side note to the men of my past who might find themselves reading this- relax. Your identity is safe. This isn’t a Burn Book, and you’re not that special. But it IS my honest opinion. So deal with it.

#BombshellCode

X

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“He’s just not that into you…”

I’m sorry. I cant. Don’t hate me.

And that’s the greatest self discovery of all.

X

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X

| A BLOG FOR THE SINGLE, THE STYLISH AND THE FABULOUS |