Tag Archives: Sex & the City

Its The Little Things…

With another wave of Fashion Week’s coming to an end, I found myself really questioning what it is exactly that inspires and motivates designers.  What separates their collection?  What makes a look personal?  Legendary?  Iconic??  Because when you really think about fashion, like art, it’s really just another form of expression.  So ultimately, what we’re seeing in a collection is a reflection of the designer themselves.

And out of all the fall collections this season, it was Chanel that struck me the most.  Karl had once again outdone himself with a collection that gave a glamorous nod to the old school salon days.  But it wasn’t just the clothes that had me in awe- it was everything.  It was every minor little detail that would make one have to re-watch the entire show just to take it all in.  It was the kind of accessorizing genius that made fashion feel fun and exciting again.  But more importantly, there was an unexpected playful energy to the collection that was surprising for a historically drab time of year.

Chanel Fall/Winter RTW 2016

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Also like art, runway fashion is typically exaggerated.  Go big, or go home.  With everything.  And with that, trends are noted, trend reports are created, “Lust Lists” are made, and more muted versions will eventually trickle into our every day fashion lives come Fall.  But that doesn’t mean that’s where the individuality and creativity stops.

No, darling, instead its just the opposite- its where the magic really starts to happen.

Which brings me to my original point of this post- that the presence of one’s style cannot be measured simply in the outfit itself.  Anyone is capable of throwing on a LBD and pulling of “chic” for a night.  That’s why its the safety net of fashion.  Simple.  Effortless.  Classic.  Standard issue.

Okay, great.  But what does it actually say about someone?  Exactly- not much at all.  And that’s fine if you’re someone who prefers to blend.  I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their life.  But I WILL say never have I ever admired someone for their ability to pull off basic.

But “admire” might be too harsh of a word.  Instead, its the ones that put the effort into the details that inspire me.  Its the personal twists in accessories that make me see less of the clothes, and more of the person wearing them.  It’s the small and tedious things many might just simply lack the patience or imagination for, that another will go all out with just because its who they are.   Because its within those details that lie the true personality of someone.  Its those interesting little twists that say so much about who someone is, or how they feel, without saying a single word.  In other words- in a world full of LBD’s, it’s the small things that play a big role in making you so largely unique.

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And isn’t that what we’re all striving for?

For my SATC fans, we know the show was famous for its [sometimes questionable] fashion.  But you may remember  there were a few pieces that made it through the entire run of the show because they represented the characters so well.  Most memorable was Carrie’s necklace- it was such a huge part of her identity, it even became part of the storyline in the series finale.

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Now fast forward to today, where the word “basic” is now an insult.  Yet its amusing that we do so much talking to express who we are, and yet so little in letting it shine visually.  And the best part about accessories?  They can be as expensive, or as cheap as you’d like them to be.  The price of unique finds is usually based on how much time you’re willing to spend finding them.  For instance, if you’re someone who loves to comb antique and second hand stores (me, me, me!!), then you already know the gems that are waiting for you, often at ridiculously  low prices.  I’m talking cheaper than Forever 21 here.  No, really.  But what you save in the money department, you will spend in time.  At the same time, if you’re someone who loves shopping (Again- me, me, me!!), this isn’t a problem.  Though you’ll probably want to go on these adventures alone, or risk being annoyed by the inevitable whining from your boyfriend.  But if you’re going for vintage one-of-a-kind pieces, this is the only way to go.  Even flea markets have proven to be beneficial hunting grounds.  And you can use going to one as an excuse to load up on fresh local produce- even if you only use the aforementioned fresh local produce to make organic mojitos.  I wont tell.

Just be sure to make on for me….

Now its important to note, combing vintage stores is only good for collecting.  You cant just go on a mission one day to find a particular piece and expect it to be hanging out at the antique store down the road.  Accessories aren’t ice cream- it doesn’t work like that.  Instead, these adventures are for “building”.  They’re for days when you have some time to kill, an open mind, and you can simply look with no pressure for items that speak to you.  And only you.  I cant explain it other than, you’ll know it when you see it.  Some of my favorite finds were completely unexpected, yet once they came into life, they made me question how I could have ever been “me” without them.

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But accessorizing isn’t just about the actual accessories, but rather in how one uses them.  Which brings me to my next point- literally anything can be an accessory when you’re creative enough.  Think of how boring fashion would be if we only used things as they were originally intended?  One example of this I think we can all remember would be Lady Gaga’s meat dress.  Though I’m still not sure what the final verdict was on her daring choice (Did we love it…?  Hate it…?  Eat it…??).   The point is, she took something conventional, and made it unconventional.  She turned heads and made a major statement using something many of see every day.   And while you don’t have to go as far as using actual food (please don’t use food) you can add major impact in other ways.

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Example:  A few days ago I was styling a shoot.  I had the sudden idea for a particular look, but didn’t have the wardrobe with me to support it.  Knowing that there was a secondhand store right below us, I ran down with my “I’ll know it when I see it” mentality.   Within 5 minutes I discovered a silk scarf, and 5 minutes after that it was tied effortlessly around my model’s torso as a top.  Going off pure instinct, it was the perfect addition to an outfit that was already a huge risk- and it all paid off beautifully.  It became one of my favorite looks for the day, mostly because I know without a fact that look is 100% unique, born from a idea that was in my mind at the time- and there’s a lot of pride in that.

But every day can be like that if you’re willing to put forth the effort.  There’s no photoshoot required for you to treat the entire world like its your personal runway.  Because IT IS.  And I need you to pay really close attention to this one- you don’t need to be a model to dress like one.  You got that?  You don’t have to be Lady Gaga to make a statement.  You can do it every day, all day, in every unique way you can think of, and for any reason you feel like.

Like button-downs.  Basic, boring button-downs.  Someone woke up one day, looked at a button-down, and thought “What if I put this on backwards…?”.  And so they tried it.

And it worked.

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Then someone else took their button-down and thought “What if I tied the arms and turned this into a tube top…?”.

And that worked.

And so on…

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You get my point here?  Like the Field of Dreams of fashion, you just gotta build it.

So next time you feel like you have “nothing to wear”, or you’re bored with whats in your closet, just stop.  Step back.  And really take a look at what you have.  There is nothing more exciting to me than the challenge of being able to create virtually any look I’d like with just a few well thought out pieces.  Or wearing something in a way I never thought of before.  Or pairing one piece with something totally unexpected.  But that’s the trick- you have to care.  You have to make the effort.  You have to be willing to take chances.  And you have to be willing to get it wrong sometimes.  Because there really is no wrong when it comes to style, as long as you feel good about you.

Because at the end of the day, that’s all it should ever really be about anyways.

X

“Why Are You Still Single?”

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Recently, I read an article about a teacher who quit her job after no longer being able to withstand modern teaching methods.  She watched as her students struggled and became frustrated when they were all forced to learn the same methods, the same way, at the same time.  The students who weren’t able to grasp concepts the same way as others who picked them up quickly felt like there was something wrong with them.  They wanted to learn- it wasn’t for lack of effort- they just needed a different process.  And preferring to look like the “bad kid” instead of the “stupid kid”, they would act out.  Or, they would simply give up all together.

I couldn’t help but notice the similarities with dating these days.

In a culture where everything is instant, socially broadcast and easily replaced, its easy to figure out who’s in love…. and who’s single.  Its also equally easy to feel the pressure of your status more than ever- because apparently, it says A LOT about you.  Accurate or not.

And as someone happily residing in Singleville, I.  Am.  Over.  It.

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As I’ve mentioned before, in my group of friends, I’m “that girl“.  Notoriously single, and rather comfortable with it, I’m used to being questioned and prodded by my friends like a circus monkey.  I cant really blame them- my dating life is WAY more comical than anything you’ll find on Netflix.  And I don’t mind dishing.  Plus, it kinda helps me cope with the trauma from bad dates with clueless fuck boys.  Yes, wine and laughter really does cure ALL.

But as open as I am about my failed romances- and I use that term loosely- there is one question that I find not only unnecessary, but offensive:

Why are you still single?

Um, gee, well, it might be that chain letter I never forwarded back in 1998.  Or my inability to cook.  Or maybe, totally unbeknownst to me, I’m actually insane.  Plus, I kinda dig cats.  Oh, and I’m also vegetarian?

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Or maybe- how about this:  What business is it of yours?

To me, asking someone why they’re single is really just a polite way of asking what’s wrong with them.  Like my current status in life is so horrible and unimaginable, there must be SOME reasonable explanation.  This is when people usually reply with bullshit answers to avoid pity and make them look less grotesque and more human:  I work too much…  I’m just focusing on me right now…  I’m waiting for Adam Levine to become available again (please God!!)…  So, just to keep things fair, I usually just answer the question with another question:

How are you still not?

Pow.  And this is the exact moment where everyone can grab their popcorn and wait for the shit show to begin.  Because apparently asking someone for a reasonable explanation on how they’ve managed to find someone to put up with their flaws is frowned upon.

And that right there is what we call a double standard.

You get my point?  I’m not damaged goods.  I’m not unlovable.  And I’m certainly not crazy.  I’m not anything but me.  Like the frustrated kids in class, I’m simply operating on a different system.  And while my system may not be the same as yours, I’ll still get the right answer.

(And by the way- is it not complete irony that I was in all Honors classes??)

My point is, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.  There’s no dark and twisty past.  No fear of commitment.  Except maybe to the wrong guy.  So what if I haven’t followed a pre-determined timeline of dating, by basic methods, where the final exam is marriage.  The SAT’s of love.  And let me just say- there are quite a few of you that have already failed that one miserably.

Maybe I’m fine taking all the prep courses I can for now.  So when the time comes to apply all that knowledge, I’ll knock it clear out of the park.

Maybe, while everyone else is cheating off each other’s papers, I’m simply concentrating on my own.  On my time.  My way.

And maybe… just maybe, I actually care so much about it, that I want to be the best one in the class.  The Valedictorian of my life.

And in all honesty, looking back, my time being single has never been time wasted.  I am someone who is constantly evolving.  Constantly learning.  Probably more so than others.  And there has been no greater teacher than my time with my own self.  And while I’m not saying there aren’t things to discover with the help of someone else, I am saying that you need to know yourself first.  Cause any relationship prior to that isn’t a relationship at all- its a distraction.

So in case you haven’t caught on yet- being single has nothing to with anyone but ME.  Forget the god awful quotes you read on Tumbler.  You know which ones I’m talking about…

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Yeah.  Exactly.  Stop posting that ridiculous shit.  “Amazing” should be a no-brainer.  It should be the bare minimum of traits in your significant other.  It should not need a Pinterest board to remind you- or anyone else– of that.  Instead, remind yourself of your own amazing attributes.  They are SO much more interesting.

As we grow, we go through our own personal life experiences at different times.  Our first date…  Our first kiss…  Our first love…  Our second…  Some people go on to Grad School.  Some never even finish High School.  These are the very factors that make each of us so beautifully unique.  So why should anything else have an expiration date.  There are no numbers stamped on me that say “Best by ##/##/####”.  And yet here we all are, happily going on about our days, doing the best we can, trying to achieve our own goals.  So just like all the other beautiful, unique factors that make you YOU, who is anyone to determine the timeline for all the things still to come?

So the next time someone asks why you’re still single- tell them the truth.

That you’re not single.

You’re fine.

In fact, you’re more than just fine-

You’re fabulous.

#BombshellCode 

(Although I might start forwarding those chain letters- just in case… ;))

X

Going Ghost: Today’s “I’m Just Not That Into You”

We all remember the episode.  The iconic words spoken by the one and only Jack Berger to explain one of the greatest mysteries still numbing the female mind today.  The mystery of dating someone you presume to be amazing.  Someone who obviously finds you equally amazing.  This is followed by the mystery of that very same person suddenly becoming (and staying) too busy for you.  Till finally, here comes the wine filled investigation with your best P.I.’s/girlfriends on why-  Maybe he really is busy?  Nope.  He scared of commitment?  LOL.  Maybe he’s sick?  Wrong again.  Maybe he’s out of town?  Possibly- if the new town he’s visiting is named Veronica.  And then of course, no girl rally is ever complete without someone fiercely declaring “It’s not you, it’s him!”.  Well, that’s partially correct… because really…

“He’s just not that into you…”

And boom.  Everything made sense.  Just like that.  6 honest words was all it took for confused women around the globe to shove that loser out of their mind, strap on their Manolo’s, and get back in the game.  No agonizing.  No over analyzing.  Just straight forward progression to meeting someone new.  And it wasn’t because they were excited the guy didn’t like them- it was because they had CLOSURE.  And logical closure at that.  An understandable and relatable reason to no longer invest time or energy into someone.  And then closure on your end would usually go something like this- “HE wasn’t into ME??  What an idiot.  Well clearly the guy is delusional.  And not to mention totally clueless on what size he actually wears.  Thank God I found out now- I wonder if the Christian Grey look-a-like still goes to my Starbucks…?  I need new shoes.”.

And just like that, you’re on to the next one.  Not just the next one, but a sexier, funnier, smarter one.  And hopefully richer.  ALWAYS richer.  If you’re not constantly upgrading the type of man you are dating, you are SO doing it wrong.  #BombshellCode

But alas, that was then.  And this… well, this is now.

Welcome to Generation Ghost.

The generation that decided just to skip the whole awkward “I’m sorry- I have to be up really early tomorrow” excuse and just straight up ignores you.  This tactic can be deployed by either the male or female.  Basically, whoever lost interest first, or found someone more interesting/hotter/taller/richer/dumber on Tinder.  There are varying degrees of Ghosting, but in order for it to count as a full blown Ghost experience, the person must disappear out of the blue, with no logical reason or warning.  I’m serious- you’re going to think they were struck by lightning.  But usually a simple look at their social media will eliminate any doubt.  In other words, if they can post a picture of their breakfast on Instagram, thereby confirming they still exist, but not respond to your text from 2 days ago, well… you can now consider your life the new sequel to Paranormal Activity.

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So here comes the real question about this new phenomenon- is it good or bad?  Personally, I believe the answer depends on how fast you accept it- and react to it.  In one way, we have eliminated the awkward and sometimes painful last minute date cancelations.  There’s no need to come up with clever excuses as to why- food poisoning/my mom is sick/I have to wash my hair/I was in a tragic car accident that left me paralyzed.  Cause we all know- the more incredulous the lie, the more believable it HAS to be.

But we’re also avoiding being honest.  And more importantly- communication in general.  This kind of treatment can only lead to one feeling disposable.  I believe that no matter what the reason, we all deserve the right to know.  You don’t have to believe it, or adjust your whole life/personality as a result of it- it IS just someone’s opinion after all.  Like, if someone judged me for having too many clothes, I would point and laugh, and then move on happily.  To Saks.  Cause NO ONE needs that kind of negativity in their life.  And look at that- in addition to a new dress for your next new (hotter/richer/funnier/smarter) date, you got honesty AND closure.  Fuck yeah.

But when someone goes Ghost, you have two choices.  Choice #1, you can be smart and recognize it.  And I mean quickly.  I’m not saying you should assume this is the case because a whole day went by without a text.  But I WOULD say that you should start doing damage control and accept this could be the case.  What you DO NOT do is start sending text after text.  Which brings us to Choice #2, refusing to accept that anyone could be dumb enough to lose interest in you.  So you’re going to spend the next few weeks over analyzing, texting, and feeling bad about yourself while figuring out what you did wrong.  The fact is, someone IS dumb enough to lose interest in you.  And that’s exactly how you have to look at it.  That’s the thing with Ghosts- there will never be solid proof.  Just a bunch of urban legends as to why he disappeared.

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Regardless of which route you take, this is the biggest challenge with Ghosting- the risk of OR belief in the Ghost coming back to life.  With no closure, you can never really be sure.  I mean, maybe he really WAS sick with the flu.  For 3 months.  With no ability to make contact cause he also had the Chicken Pox.  And had to wear oven mitts.  So he couldn’t text.  I KNEW IT!!

Yep.  He must be your Prince Charming.  It just took 3 months worth of other women for him to see it.

You get my point?  And just in case you’re still painfully unaware of the obvious, let me clarify- once someone goes Ghost, there is no coming back.  Ever.  Even Pet Cemetery couldn’t resuscitate this relationship.  So exercise the demons.  Preferably with a new man who actually does adore you.  And puts you first.  And puts all your fears of the paranormal at rest.

Take ownership and see the relationship, however long or short, for what it really was.  Was it REALLY all that incredible?  Or just convenient.  Or maybe a little of both.  Either way, chances are you’re going to look back and it will make sense as to why it didn’t work.  And yes, a simple “Because he was a dick” is fine.

But finally, here is some good news with Ghosts.  Unlike cheaters, ghosting is not an actual characteristic trait.  So the whole “Once a cheater, always…” theory doesn’t apply here.  It is still believed by both Ghost’s and Ghostees that when the right person comes along, Ghosting isn’t something to be worried about.  Unless of course, he actually DOES get struck by lightning.  And if that does happen, well, I would classify that as simply a case of good old fashioned karma.

So in the end, I guess we can put Ghosting in the Blessing category.  Eventually.  Way down the road when you’ve met The One, elusive as they may be.  The real life man of your dreams who only makes excuses to spend more time with you (“Sorry Boss, I think I caught the flu….”).  That’s when you can finally stop being afraid of ghosts, once and for all.  And your scary dating past can become just another urban legend.

And finally, lets get back to good ol’ Jack Berger.  What a piece of work this guy was.  Do you remember how he broke up with Carrie?  I know, I know- stupid question.  Of course you do.  It was the most incredible example of a douchebag you had EVER seen in your romantic life up to that point.

I’m sorry.  I cant.  Don’t hate me.

The Post-It.  I bet it still makes you cringe.  Except it shouldn’t.  Not today anyways.  Because we leave our own little break up Post-Its all the time.  Except now we simply send them via text.  So at the VERY least, thank Ghosting for saving you from having to deal with THAT.

And honestly, I have a lot to thank my own personal Ghosts for.  They forced me to really look at myself and take responsibility.  To grow up.  And to accept that we don’t always get what we want- and that sometimes we SHOULDNT get what we want.  And even more importantly, I gained the ability to take all the times that men made me feel like nothing, and then turn it into a big something.  A voice.  For you.

And as it turns out, I’m not as stupid as the ghosts in my life have made me feel.

And that’s the greatest self discovery of all.

So yeah- R.I.P. bitches.

X

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